It’s Halloween, the time of year for a good scare. But in the horse world, there aren’t many things that really scare us. I’m talking about non-health, non-emergency things. So we tried to come up with 10 phrases that might scare even the bravest of riders. Here you go!
10. “Entries Were Due Yesterday”
How many of us have called about a show or clinic entry deadline that we really wanted to attend and heard this frightening phrase?
9. “I Just Fed the Last Bale of Hay”
And of course this happens on a Friday evening when there is little to no chance of any store or dealer being open over the weekend.
8. “How is the Spare on the Trailer?”
You’ve got everything ready to go for that show or clinic that you talked your way into even though you were a day late, and your friend comes in and asks you the above question. And of course you are busy trying to buy, beg or borrow some hay to last you until the delivery comes next week.
7. “Got your Coggins and Health Papers?”
AARRRGGG! You know they are in your trailer…somewhere. In the notebook you so carefully keep all the paperwork in for your horses. Unless you took it to the house when you were hauling away that box full of stuff that always finds its way into the trailer’s tack room throughout the year.
6. “Whose Cat is in Your Horse’s Paddock?”
Cat? Cat???? That’s no cat, that’s a skunk. Okay, well, they call them a polecat, but That’s Not A Cat! Get! Shoo! Wait, don’t scare it! Help?
5. “BTW, That Bit is Illegal.”
We made it to the show, and now you tell me! You saw me load all my gear, after, of course, I changed the trailer tire, found my papers and got my horse out of the skunky paddock un-perfumed. Can I use your bridle?
4. “You’re Riding Training Test 3, not 2.”
What? I practiced 2? What do you mean I’m riding Test 3? I’m warmed up and ready to go in! Does anyone have a copy of Test 3? Can someone read for me?
3. “Watch Out for the Flapping Banner in the Corner.”
Oh, now that’s great! Wind! What is this, Wyoming? They didn’t bother to zip-tie down all the sides of the banner and it’s doing a perfect imitation of a horse-eating giant plastic bag. Yeah, that corner is going to be off-limits no matter what the reader is calling on Test 3. As far as I’m concerned, she’s saying “Side pass across the ring at a shuffling, bucking canter.”
2. “Road Construction Ahead.”
Let’s take a shortcut, you said. We’ll have a nice drive, you said. But these roads have no shoulders, the tree branches are banging against the trailer roof—which is almost as bad as the loose banner in the ring—and now they are taking us on a detour downtown!
1. “The Weather Forecast is…”
You make it home safely, the horse is unloaded, no skunks are in sight, and there is borrowed hay. Then the radio in the barn beeps with a weather alert that tonight it will turn wet, windy and snowy, with hail and pestilence to follow.
Such is the life of a brave horse person. We hope you didn’t get too scared, and maybe even had a little laugh out of this!